The Butterfly Effect
27 Jul 2010 Leave a Comment
in Blogroll, Random Musings, Uncategorized
I don’t write regularly enough. That’s what I’ve been told and I guess that’s why I never finish a project and everything just hangs quite precariously on the brink of being finished but never quite gets there. There’s always the threat that something will be finished, but never quite is.
This applies to all walks of my life, not just my life as a non-writer. Currently, I have sewn half a curtain lining and have put the rest away, leaving my bedroom curtains half lined with black fabric and the other curtain hanging, dejected and unlined, letting in the light in on one side, making the room lopsided and uneven. I also bought fabric with which to sew my own clothes, but never quite got round to it; the sewing machine is sat on the table next to me, threaded and waiting, mocking me silently as it seems to know something I don’t. It sits there as if to say, “You’re never going to get that curtain finished are you?”
If I think back to the stuff I’ve left in my parents’ house when I moved, I know I have about 4 different painting projects I’ve never finished; I’ve stored them in the loft, probably to gather dust, further proof that I cannot stick to just one thing. My old bedroom still looks lived in as I’ve not yet managed to go through the drawers, discarding anything old; hand-me-down make-up from my sisters sits in the drawers, patiently waiting, biding its time until I finally muster the inclination to sort through it, probably throwing away most of it. But for now, it sits there, waiting for me to drive up north to pay it some attention.
So in an effort to get away from my butterfly mind and my butterfly approach to life – currently I am reading three books at the same time – I’ve decided to make writing a regular thing. I will probably need to back-date some entries as I feel the world needs to know what’s been happening in this small, insignificant part of my life. Also, I’d like a written record of what’s happened so that there can be no denial, no forgetting and no pretending later on in life. I did start keeping a journal when I first got married, but like everything else I’ve started, it remained unfinished. Therefore, I’ll take some entries from my journal, copy some verbatim and others will probably need editing, as there are some things even I won’t publicise about what’s happened. It wouldn’t be right and it may also lead to being shunned – more so than usual – in family circles I currently socialise in and frequent. However, despite my misgivings about revealing the truth, I’m going to reveal some of it anyway and deal with the consequences later.
Writing is the best catharsis, so let’s hope I evoke intense pity and fear and make Aristotle proud.
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